Before becoming a mediator, I was a trial attorney. My clients really did not want me to tell them that their behavior contributed to the problem. I was a traitor if I did that. As a mediator I can tread carefully into that territory. After I’ve fully heard a party, I often tell them that I am going to ask some difficult questions. I then ask them about the part they have played in the dispute. Some (a lot, actually) defend or minimize their actions. It is the ego at work. A couple can acknowledge that they have contributed to the disptue and would like to end it.

I think that people would rather be right than happy. The story of Saint Francis depicts people would would rather be happy than right.