Making Peace With “No” — Forgiveness and Mental Health
Frederic Luskin, Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, reminded a packed house at the ABA Dispute Resolution meeting in San Francisco that a 2-yr old who is told “no” screams and yells when she doesn’t get what she wants, but then eventually stops and moves on to the next thing. By contrast, a 40-year old who doesn’t get what he wants can persist in expressing his anger and indignation for many, many years; in some cases, he will never stop. In this lies the attraction, for some, of the American civil judicial system.
Dispute resolution professionals often encounter people whose wound has morphed into an attribute of their very life. Who they are is fundamentally tied with the claim. They are no longer wife or butcher or brother or son; they are The One Who Was Wrongly Dealt With. Dr. Luskin asked us whether we might consider not just helping that person to ”resolve” the dispute, but facilitating the removal of the conflict as a central mechanism of the relationship. Might we help to guide wounded people past their wound? Read more »